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Sunday, October 29, 2006 { 8:37 PM } ;
0 repliesi dont know
why im so unhappy or rather awkward today. i just am. i dont wanna do anything. i didnt go to my uncles house today, frankly it would have been boring- but still, as i sit in my house gazing out of the window in front of the com and looking at the rather silent rain whose sounds are drowned out by maroon5 and jodi kamal ki on the TV in the living room, i feel a sense of.......incompleteness. i wonder why. ive been spoiting rubbish all day. the rain seems to be reflective of me today. it isnt happy, oh-i-wanna-go-get-wet rain, its the kind that you get trapped in while driving or the kind that ruins your plans for the day. its sad rain. and today the rain reflects me.
the drops fall slowly from the sill above my window, at a slower pace then the rain itself because their motion was stopped by the sill. dripping like tears. why tears? i dont know. i honestly dont know.
im alone at home. the TV is blaring for no reason. i dont want to go switch it off. i dont feel like. maybe this is because i didnt jog 2km today after a week of doing it. maybe its coz i didnt do my pilates. i dont know. maybe its coz of an overdose of caffine.
there seems to be a blanket of sadness clouding my senses. my eyes seem to burn as i gaze back at the computer screen from the window. it must be coz i dont look away very often anymore. except to see the raindrops, that are, today, so like me.
i was telling stacy today, earlier, when i was rather chirpy but still a little lost. its easy to write about sadness. she was commenting on how RG girls seem to be sadistic and depressed coz all the chinese phrases that they learn for exams seem to be about sadness and depression. but i dont think so. its simply coz we all know how to write about sadness. it comes with ease. coz we've all been there. and we know how hard it is to claw our way out. and so we can reflect that journey back to happiness upon a paper. easily.coz its like telling someone about your day, but just exaggerating a little bit.
ok enough sadness. i think im sad coz its halloween......that must be it. anyways. i shall go watch scary movie 4 to celebrate.
it seems hard to smile again.
