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Friday, October 06, 2006 { 8:53 AM } ;
0 repliesim fading
i can feel it
somehow
i seem less present
i feel thiner,
like im suddenly
made of rice paper
and all that it takes
to rip me apart
is a single blow
my very existance
my personality
my self
seems to be fading
the same way
colour fades from a tree
during autmn
the same way
a stain is washed off
a ruined dress
i am stained
by my past
and yet it is
these very stains
that define me
and now that the time has come
to wash these stains off
and start anew
i find
that the fabric of my life
is fading
as part of me
is being washed off
with my past.
it feels like im fading away.
ok my mathability has taken such a blow im afraid it needs to go into rehabilitation. its horrible. i cant do integration between two curves!!! i cant rmb how. i missed the main lesson but i used to be able to catch up without any help and i used to be able to read up and not need to ask anyone. now my textbook is lost. i feel lost too. its like a part of me, the adaptable and carefree part, is fading away.
people who know me well will tell you, i dont hurry very often. in the morning i watch kasam se for 30 out of the 40min i have to get ready for sch. and i wear my socks and shoes in the car, and sometimes i comb my hair there too. im realy a person who dosent really give a damn as long as im not late for sch. if i make it by 1 min or 30s it dosent matter. i just have to make it. now however my grandparents are here, and understandably they are SHOCKED at the way i get ready in the mornings. dont get me wrong, i love them to bits but seriously, their early morning shock puts me behind by 1min!! lol. but theyre right. i cant keep doing this. i mean not in the mornings but with the rest of my life. i study for tests the day before the test itself, i do PTs on the night before its due. its not right. i need to challenge myself more. show my best as opposed to my slapstick work that may be good on occasion but can be a LOT better as well.
with respect to GPA, im dissatisfied.
chem- im dissapointed. very. i lost 4-5 marks for SPELLING. and then again i feel bad coz many more were lost for key words. what can i do? nothing. thats it. its over. thats whats scary. but i like chem. i shall take it again. and work on my spelling. yes. work on my spelling.
3.6(assuming i get 17/25 for my SPA)
biology- im sorely dissapointed in my EOY. how could i? how could i? i do not know. im sad. really sad. i lost a lot of marks for dumbness. does that mean i dont have any kind of ability for bio? i dont know. my pt was bad. i know that much. but if those marks on the geog sheet were correct then i am overjoyed. j'aime bio, mais c'est tres difficile quand j'ai ce marques.
3.6
Physics
comparatively (to my other subjects) im not as dissapointed as i would have been. its quite ok actually my phy grade. but compared with other ppl im sad. and i cannot believe that i could make such mistakes. btw this is not an escuse but the paper was flawed. the teacher himself admitted it. but that was just one stupid mark. what happened to the rest? they were eaten up. by my stupid brain. im dissapointed, overall but not that much.
3.6
SS
actually im HAPPY with SS.with my grade i mean. 78% aint bad for somewone who barely scraped a 70 last year. but seriously, knowing that ONE STUPID MARK kept you from a 4 is sad. VERY SAD. i could cry!!!this is the one four ive yearned for for so long.oh well.
(high) 3.6
Geog
i better not comment. i dont know what will come out of my mind about the think scrawny and evil person involverd. its just unfair. esp the PT. we didnt even work as a group. unfair. and again its abt 1-2% away from a 3.6. life is mean, isnt it?
3.2
English
ok.this was absolutely tragic. ok i am bad at spelling but they cant give us THAT LOW marks!! its unfair. ppl actually failed. what is wrong with those teachers? cant they see that this grade is like an anchor tied to our foot? its sinking us. i hate this. im supposed to be good at english. ive been speaking english since i was 3. my first words were in this language. and my last words will be in this language. but really. its infair. however, the orals were GREAT (for me). im very happy!!! coz chew wai lee was the one who gave me good comments!! and the other indian teacher said i have an indian accent. HE DOES TOO ok. i dunno what his obsession with accents is, he says rhea has an american accent. anyway overall for the whole class this oral was unfair. thsoe who got high marks before went down by a lot. it leads you to think, why? its definitely the teachers, cause i
know the ppl are good. but its unfair.
3.2 (as long as i pass my speech)
math
oh how sorely i feel for this subject. i shall comment on this soon in my next post.
3.6 (if i get 60% in the nxt test)
sigh. i shall update soonn again. im sad. very sad. very very sad. oh wells.
